Every morning I get up early, make coffee, feed our cat and dog, & then take our dog Tonks, named after Nymphadora Tonks the Harry Potter character, on her morning walk. Our neighborhood has the luxury of having bike lanes on streets, separate green spaces with bike / walking paths and well-lit streets and sidewalks. I say luxury, as I have not always lived in neighborhoods or areas I walked & played with confidence in my safety as I do now. My neighborhood, designed for folks to be in it, to enjoy the spaces, it is designed for activity. That is something I appreciate every morning as I walk with my dog.

Dog walking is routine now, so to break the monotony of routine, Tonks and I go diverse ways to enjoy the variety of scenery this neighborhood affords. I usually start in one direction and then at the cross walk, at the bike path, I let Tonks take the lead. Accessing the right turn will cross the street and follows up to an elementary school or follows the bike path that circles back into the area of houses we live in. The other path, the left turn, takes us down the bike path toward the park. This path ventures into the area of the hiking trails, leads toward an open green area and travels through the undeveloped wilderness (repurposed farmland with clusters of dense trees) of our neighborhood. The light provided on this path is from the porch lights of the scattered built houses and by Mama Moon if she is visible. Oh yeah– I usually take a walk between 4:00 am to 5:30 am in the morning, before the sun make his greeting debut.

As  Tonks and  I walked the “forest path”…that is how I imagine it as I start my day, the wind heavily moved through the trees and metal openings of construction equipment left out from the day before. The sound was unusual, eerie, and created tenseness within me and Tonks. The morning also brought fog; with the wind and decrease visibility, my senses were alert. I looked down at Tonks, the hair on the back of her neck and shoulder were alert as well. We walked on, the wind increasing in intensity and its music replacing the space of confidence with fear. We stopped, listened, and turned around.

When I rounded the corner, back to civilization, streetlamps, and safety, I discouraged myself with thoughts of “what are you afraid of”, “there is nothing of harm down there”, and “you are such a coward”. Strategically and swiftly, I countered these negative thoughts like the proficient chess player of internal mind games I have become. I offered my mind instead … “What is fear?”, “How does one (me) name real fear, fabricated fear, & designed fear?”. I paused my thoughts, pondering the last points, my brain did not fully appreciate the difference of my internal word choices… I mused on… “is there a difference between fabricated fear and designed fear?”

Here is where I will take my leave so that I can deep dive into these ideas. Look for follow up to my internal questions:

What is fear?

How does one name real fear from fabricated and/ or designed fear?

Is fabricated fear and designed fear the same? If not, what is the difference between them?

Thanks for reading & have a blessed day!

© Krista Gabbard 2022. All Rights Reserved